The allies are losing the war due to an overabundance of Diamond Girls, Dinosaur Men, gold-plated tanks and Kill Men of the Rising Sun.
We need a team to handle all of this, find out where our missing monuments are, investigate a brothel in Switzerland and, as always, kill Hitler.
We need DANGER 5.
If you've never watched Danger 5, everything in this blog post is going make absolutely zero sense.
If you have watched Danger 5, you'll know what I'm talking about, but it still makes zero sense.
Danger 5 is an absurd Australian TV show that features a crack team of allied agents in World War 2, but the aesthetics are of a low budget sixties spy show.
It combines this with a frankly surreal set of storylines, bizarre characters and a metric ton of visual gags. It is quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever seen.
And it's brilliant.
I've had the miniature set from Crooked Dice for a long time, but have never got round to painting them. I'm really not sure why it's taken this long.
Let's meet the team...
Tucker is the mild-mannered, straight-laced and frankly upright 'leader' of the team. He enjoys a sensible chuckle, suffers nosebleeds in the presence of freeform jazz and is deeply smitten with Claire (but too repressed to do anything about it).
Claire is the cool, calm and collected blond bombshell whose virginal charm makes her an object of desire for pretty much everyone, especially the Führer. She clearly has a brain as well as beauty, something which deeply upsets her commanding officer.
Jackson is a hard-drinking, hard-hitting all-American hero. He's prone to flying into a rage about everything from losing a staring contest to threats to Lady Liberty herself. He is most insensed by his complicated feelings for teammate Ilsa.
Pierre is a smooth Frenchman with a past and he usually knows someone in every location the team is sent to. He is an artistic soul with a ear for cool beats and is always ready to hear a dying friend regain him with a perfect cocktail recipe.
Ilsa is a sultry and volatile Russian agent who enjoys driving men wild, especially Jackson, even though she's married to Rommel. Ilsa has very little time for Claire's unwillingness to sleep with Nazis to complete a mission.
In addition to the main team, the set also includes their commanding officer, Colonel Chestbridge. It's never explained why he has a eagle's head, as he doesn't take kindly to being questioned, especially by Claire.
Obviously, every mission always includes the objective to kill Hitler, and so the Führer is included in the set too. As the mastermind behind every fiendish plot, killing him is the hey to winning the war. Unfortunately, his uncanny ability to dive through a window to escape regularly goild the team.
Finally, we have Blondi, Hitler's Dog...or is it? Could it actually be a robotic agent sent to seduce German Shepards on guard?
Yes. The dog is smoking.
Getting these painted has prompted my to watch the first series again, and it's still just as ridiculous. For me, Danger 5 perfectly captures what happens in 7TV when two players haven't agreed what casts they are bringing.
It's bonkers.
Acquired: -116
Painted: 493
Lead Mountain: 226
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