Sunday 21 November 2021

Joker's Joyride

A bit of a different day of 7TV gaming in Darley Dale today. Not only were we playing 7TV Apocalypse, complete with modded vehicles, and stacked casts up to a whopping 50 ratings, we also ended up only having two games due to a teensy-weensy bit of overrunning.

In the spirit of not wanting to paint very much, I took my my BMG Joker crew out for a spin, matching them up with appropriate profile cards from 7TV Apocalypse:

Joker - Utopian Architect
Harley Quinn - Rebellious Youth
Ringmaster - Petrolhead
Hammer Clown - Wrecker
Cloak Clown - Bandit
Rifle Clown - Gunner 
Shield Clown - Mechanic
Other Clowns - 3 Joyriders

I kept my vehicles simple with a Buggy sporting a pintle mounted machine gun (crewed by the Bandit and Gunner), and a Truck equipped with mods I could reasonably explain: a running board (the flat roof), a hood ornament (the Joker logo on the side), and a sump dump and tombstone (stuff that could be thrown out of the back).

Game 1 - Thwacky Races (vs Matt)

The Apocalypse had come to Saturday Morning viewing, and the revving of engines signified that the Wacky Races had overrun into time slot of Batman: The Animated Series and the next leg of their perpetual piston-driven pandemonium would run straight through Gotham.

In the lead were the Ant Hill Mob, who had formed a temporary 'alliance' with Dick Dastardly and Mutley, with Penelope Pitstop's Pink Pussycat in 'hot' pursuit.

Determined not to be upstaged on his home turf, the Clown Prince of Crime ordered his three ring circus into the van to show these Hanna-Barbarians the true meaning of entertainment.

Screeching to a halt directly ahead of Chugga Boom, Joker honked his horn and clowns tumbled out of the van in all directions, ready to run this race off the road.

Unbeknownst to Joker, the Ant Hill Mob were already running off road, having been tricked into getting out by that nefarious ne'erdowell, Dick Dastardly.

To Clyde's annoyance, Yak Yak was laughing about the whole affair, Softy was crying and Dum Dum hadn't realised he was supposed to get out of the car and so was still manning the gun.

Meanwhile, the Chuckle-Buggy gunned its engines directly for the Pink Pussycat, but came off worst in a direct firefight, taking damage and losing its gunner to a spray of machine gun fire.

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly saw the Joker Van blocking his route and swerved to avoid it, Dum Dum opened fire, whilst Mutley just chuckled.

However, this left his stolen ride vulnerable, and after a hail of Molotov cocktails, Hammer blows, a spray of acid from Joker's flower, Chugga Boom was T-boned by the Joker Van and went Chugga BOOM!

Only Dick Dastardly was able to crawl from the wreckage.

Meanwhile, having lost wingman, tje Chuckle-Buggy Bandit nonchalantly pulled into the gas station to fill up.

Having an increasingly bad day here, the Ant Hill Mob took their frustrations out on some of the Clowns responsible for wrecking their ride, peppering them with rifle fire.

Limping away from the crash, Dick Dastardly spotted some smilex gas Joker had planted as a trap, and moved in to syphon it with the intention of using it on the Creepy Coupe.

Not knowing her way around the big city, and terribly-terribly afraid of those awful clowns, Penelope Pitstop swerved round a corner and saw Harley Quinn in her sights.

A blast of machine gun fire saw Harley skip out of the way.

One of the Mob strayed too close to the Ringmaster and had his legs taken out from under him by a lashing chain. Two others were caught in the bkadt of an explosive lance.

Miss Pitstop tried a different approach and drove straight for Harley Quinn, knocking her flying.

After Joker got out of the van, the Mechanic tried a similar trick and drove straight for Dick Dastardly, but to no avail.

This left Joker exposed and the two iconic villains faced each other in the street. They both briefly contemplated the possibilities of a super-villain team-up before Jokr was caught from behind by unnervingly accurate rifle fire from the remains of the Ant Hill Mob.

Penelope Pitstop swerved again to get a bead on Quinn, but lost control of the Pussycat and sent it spinning into a nearby vehicle.

The Ringmaster managed to slip behind the remains of the Ant Hill Mob and managed to incinerate them in another explosion.

The Pink Pussycat found itself cornered between encroaching clown cars. With limited options to enable her to escape the jaws of the trap, Penelope Pitstop decided that attack was the best form of defence.

She put her foot down and went straight into a head on collision with the Joker Van. Unfortunately she once again lost control of the car and hurtled into an uncontrolled collision, the force of the impact snapping her neck and killing her instantly.

Even though Joker had been gravely wounded, several clowns had had their smiles turned upside down, Dick Dastardly had stolen some smilex and Professor Pat Pending had snuck through to win when no one was looking, Joker was pleased that he'd ruined the race.

It would be a long whole before they brought their cheaply animated automobiles through Gotham again.

Final Result: 11-10 to Joker officially, but we might have cocked up the scoring.

Game 2 - Just Walk Away (vs Simon)

Having successfully defended his territory on Saturday mornings, Joker decided to go on a little
adventure into the Bank Holiday late night schedules and bring a few post-watershed smiles.

Unfortunately this would bring Mr J into conflict with the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla himself, the Lord Humongous and his dogs of war.

After taking a left outside Gotham, Joker's drove out into the wasteland, and after half an hour the satnav said he was in Australia. Aware of the brutal and uncensored nature of that land, the clowns advanced cautiously, only honking their horns a couple of times.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a ramshackle 'yute' accelerated straight into a head on collision with the Joker Van.

"Strewth! Yer on the wrong side of the road, ya drongo!" came a shout from the platform on top, Nd then in a display of typical antipodean hospitality they unleashed a storm of bullets, harpoon and fire at the van.

"Where do they get such wonderful toys?" said the Joker wistfully as the Ringmaster returned fire with awoefully inaccurate explosive. He turned to the packed van, "time send in the Clowns."

One after another, greasepaint covered goons leaped onto the truck and started laying about to occupants.

Meanwhile, the Chuckle-Buggy Bandit had spotted another brutal looking vehicle moving in, driven by what could only be described as a  bodybuilder in fetish gear.

"And we thought Batman was kinky," he joked to his gunner, putting his foot down hard and accelerating past it before pulling a handbrake turn to allow the machine gun to spray it with fire.

Meanwhile, the clowns were beginning to lose the fight on the truck, despite beating one of the occupants to death in a slapstick manner. The Ringmaster took aim more carefully and tossed another explosive into the fray. 

When the smoke cleared, the truck was a little emptier, the paintwork was even more scorched and the last Clown was cooked.

The shocked driver of the truck reversed out of danger, allowing Humongous to take his turn to accelerate into the Van, wrecking it and somehow knocking Joker and the Ringmaster all the way through to the back.

Whilst all this carnage had been going on, Harley Quinn had gone off on her own, exploring this exciting new environment.

She wasn't entirely sure what a submarine was doing in the Australian outback, but it was certainly interesting.

Meanwhile, Joker and the Ringmaster advanced on Humongous' henchman Wes. The disturbing grin causing him to back off a trip, leaving him vulnerable to attack from behind.

Seeing opportunity to level the playing field, the Chuckle-Buggy swung round and closed in, spraying Wes and Humongous with lead and somehow missing both.

This failed attack left the Chuckle-Buggy exposed and it was rammed and wrecked by the marauder truck.

The Ringmaster watch on from on top of some containers, where he was immediately struck by lightning causing him to fall to his death.

After cartwheeling along the Submarine, Harley Quinn jumped down to look at some of the military vehicles on the shore.

"Ya know Mister J. I don't think this is Australia."

Suddenly noticing the carnage, she whistled to the Joker, before jumping into the abandoned military vehicle and driving straight for him. Joker jumped aboard and waved goodbye to Humongous before heading back to Gotham.

Perhaps he would stick to Saturday Mornings for now.

Final Result: 6-5 to the Joker...somehow. Snaffling the macguffin and Harley picking up several objectives countered the absolute rout of the Clowns.

Overall the day was a lot of fun, although getting to grips with the vehicle rules (which I haven't used in well over a year) on the hoof did required a fair bit of book-flicking. 

I think that 7TV Apocalypse with vehicles is a very different beast from the other versions, and I was surprised by how maneuverable the vehicles were and a bigger table really makes for a very different game.

On top of the games, James, who organised the event, gave every player some 3d printed models. Two versions of Mad Max and a road sign not totally unlike this one:

I'm looking forward to tje next 7tv event in the calendar, which is a Fantasy event in February. However, I might take the opportunity to refamiliarise myself with the magic rules before playing to prevent more book-flicking.

Acquired: 165
Painted: 182


  1. Nice report. Good to get a game in with you again. Even if you did keep saying I was being rude ha ha!

    1. You crashed into me without so much as a, "How do you do?"

  2. The modded vehicles fit in very, very well.